If I Could Be Like That...

Wow. My roommate is amazing.
Every morning at about 4:15 the big, harsh fluorescent light above our vanity flicks on, and the room brightens up three hours before my morning begins. I'm dazed and confused and don't fully comprehend her furtive movements around the dorm but know enough to pull the sheet over my bleary eyes and continue my sleep.

She's not trying to claim the shower early, and even if she has homework to do, that's not why she's up, either.

She gets up to pray. A carpool shows up at 4:30 to shuttle her to her church twenty minutes away, where she spends three hours in corporate prayer and worship. Every single morning.

I can't say I don't resent her. That light really bugs. And for crying out loud, three hours in prayer? Is there even that much to say? Martin Luther did it, and I'm sure some crochety old monks did too, but why is an 18-year-old art major doing such Godly things at such ungodly hours?

But I know the only reason why it makes me cringe is because I want it so bad. I want to want to pray for three hours straight, to fast, to spend time in solitude and sing my heart out and cry and yell in praise and supplication to my God. Not because it's energizing to myself, or because I'll feel like I'm super-spiritual. I want to yearn to pray, solely out of a profound realization that you, O God, are ineffably beautiful and true.

I know he's waiting to give me that living water. He's already reaching out, and if there's anyone to blame for stopping the overflow of passion that could come of my relationship with him, it's me. But if I'm totally honest with myself, I don't know if I'm ready to let loose just yet. I just don't know.

She just got done talking to me about how she's tired from the 2 hour nights she's been getting, and yet how she is so strengthened by what God's been doing in her. All I can say is "wow" and "neat" because I haven't experienced that profundity yet. But this song came to mind, so I think I'll share it as a prayer.

As the deer panteth for the water
So my soul longeth after thee
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship thee

You alone are my strength, my shield
To you alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship thee.