The He Man Woman Haters Club

One definite downside to being home: My brothers tend to get together and form vitriolic little girl-bashing meetings I like to call the He Man Woman Haters Club.

HMWHC tends to form spontaneously and unofficially, especially during Nintendo / PS2 sessions or vigorous physical exercise. These conversations lead to sweeping generalizations about women, such as:

- Girls are always accusing guys of flirting with them
- Girls get so jealous of their friends when they a guy gives them attention
- Girls are overly sensitive about their weight
- Girls just like attention and they'll go for any guy who gives it to them
and my personal un-favorite,
- It's always better to just hang out with guys. Girls mess everything up.

Maybe I'm just taking it too personally, but I hate being put in a box. It's stifling to be labeled as petty, catty, frivolous, gossipy or desperate. Once those stereotypes are out there, everything a woman does will be interpreted through those lenses. I hate those occasions -- albeit rare occasions -- when my brothers throw it in my face that I do something because I'm a woman. "You're being manipulative. Girls are always manipulators," the might say, and it hurts, because the person who can "name the game" suddenly has all the power.

I think sexist stereotypes are especially hurtful to women because our battle is still raging. We've had the right to vote for less than a century. We face silent scorn and subtle disrespect in the workplace, in spite of the most diplomatic HR efforts. And in developing countries, women are still second-class citizens humiliated and abused on a daily basis.

At the same time, I readily admit women purport wrong-headed stereotypes of men, too. One of my least favorites is the "Biola guy" stereotype, in which resentful women accuse their Biola brothers of never asking girls out, being spineless, or "not being men." I know there are guys out there like that, but I'd strongly disagree that such a blanket statement reflects the generous, warm, courageous men of character I've encountered. Sure, we all make mistakes, especially in the complicated realm of dating relationships. But one thing's certain -- I'd much rather be with a Biola guy than one who's only gutsy and bold because he's absolutely full of himself. If there is any generalization here, it's that Biola guys are generally raising the bar.

All this to say typecasting is hurtful and I don't want to be accused of it. It's a way of holding an entire group of people at an arm's length and looking at them in the abstract, not as complex, unique individuals with hearts and souls and feelings. While prudence calls for some generalizations (i.e. a person needs to have a solid group of friends of the same sex), a Christian should make these decisions out of love and respect for the opposite sex, never out of resentment or an attitude of belittling.

Let's burn the membership cards for the He Man Woman Haters Club. And while we're at it, let's burn the ones for the She Woman Man Haters Club, too.